A Poet's Diary (Blogo 10.9)

Sentient moments

Veiled nemesis, from time past

Haunts a grieving soul

*********

A Poet's Diary

You are narrated and chronicled

Within the secret diary of my heart

An abridged version of you, tucked away

Among torn and tattered pages of past

I can feel you here with me now

My heart tethered to a ghost in time

You once roamed freely in my sunlight

Childlike belief, dancing in the summer breeze

I wrote of the clouds as they slowly gathered

Calling up the venomous, torrential rains

And how you were seized by the thieving current

Lost in the muddy waters of time

I was told by some, you drowned one day

They pleaded fiercely with me, to finally move on

My unyielding heart held a tight-fisted grasp

Incessant searching, believing, grieving...a poet was born

Turning to the pen and paper 

A writer deluged in the murky waters of past

Constantly seeking answers, if only the words would reveal

Plagued by a sating hunger.  Unquenchable.

My prose, my musings...they collocate

on the dark, musty pages of yesterday

 Serving as my passage to

The life (they say) I live today

DeAnna

Blogophilia Week 10.9 Topic: A Secret Diary

Bonus Points:

(Hard, 2 pts) Include a Haiku

(Easy, 1 pt) Use the word “Sentient”

The way we were - Growing up in the 80's through music

Posting this on here because it was a fun write from 2010.  My first post on facebook after our group disbanded from MySpace.  Certainly not a show of my writing skills, but fun, none the less!  I love the nostalgia of the 80's and hope you enjoy it too.

**Blogophilia is a writer’s group with weekly topics and challenges**

Topic: The Way We Were

(Hard, 2pts): complete the phrase "Advice is what we ask for...."

(Easy, 1pt): include the word 'insane'

The 80’s – The way we were

The year was 1982. I stood a little on the edge of seventeen and spent most of my time running against the wind.  Life was nothing but a good time; full of big hair, parachute pants, head bands, legwarmers, scrunch socks and bright neon colors.  Mullets were actually fashionable, disco was dead and Joe Cool ruled.  It was a time of ‘Don’t worry, be happy’ and some of my favorite music hit the airwaves.  MTV was born and video killed the radio star.

I suppose my mom felt I was livin’on a prayer most days and her incredible task of protecting her little girl changed to learning how to hold on loosely.   Letting go did not come easy for her and each decision, (either of us made) seemed to simply add another brick in the wall of our relationship.  She knew my every little step and what she managed to miss, the private eyes of a small town revealed.

We battled something constantly and she certainly knew the buttons to push in order to start me up. “It’s my life and you are ruining it!”  I remember crying out in tears. I was absolutely positive she didn’t know or understand how important things were to me.  “It’s a celebration and the girls just want to have fun.  We won’t be burning down the house or anything!”  I was quite sure if I didn’t get out of there, I was going to go insane and start howling at the moon or something.   I needed an escape.

I had my pride and why couldn’t she respect I would never be the goody two shoes she probably hoped for in a daughter?  I wanted her to see I walk this way, and maybe if she would loosen up and get into the groove, it wouldn’t be such a cruel summer for either of us.

It never seemed to bother my mom at all if my social life was ruined.  I remember Calvin with the tantalizing electric blue eyes.  He was two years older and she wouldn’t allow me to date him because he was too “old”. He drove a hot little red corvette and (well maybe) he drove too fast sometimes, but I was invincible and besides, he looked  like a great driver to me!   We fought about him until she reached her final countdown and then it always ended up with her speech “Here I go again with you…round and round.  If you think I am going to let you run around footloose and fancy free, you have another thing coming!  Realize I say no, because I love you!”

Everything in me could not keep my eyes from rolling and all I could think was, “What’s love got to do with it?” I’m sure I glared at her like she was a big eyed fish out of water.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t wish ill on my mother, but I suppose if looks could kill well…she wouldn’t have been feeling so wonderful about that time.

My own place…that’s just what I needed and it was my prerogative.  I was ready to bust a move and it was feeling pretty urgent. Still in school, and basically working for the weekend, I poured my efforts into an endless wishing well of dreams.  The wheel in the sky kept turning while I searched for that fantasy  paradise city far, far away.  “No one can stop me now!” I screamed with a rebel yell and I ran as fast and far as I could.  I loaded up the u-haul with my car in tow and drove all the way to Oregon. It was as far as I could go without leaving the country.  My brain chanting “Don’t look back…just don’t look back”. I was walking on sunshine and I never felt so alive in all my life! Nothing was going to break my stride.

I moved around a lot and rode the crazy train of life for a few years.  One day I woke to realize every rose has its thorn. I looked at the worn photograph of home and sighed heavily. Through a faint careless whisper, the words formed “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…I want to go home”.  It can feel like one is a million miles away from your destination when that’s where one needs to be at the moment. I felt it all fade to grey.  I packed up my belongings and drove all night long, just to get back home.

I made a lot of mistakes growing up and you might think I’m crazy, but I would do it all again. I have to say I would have treated my mom better, hung on tighter to the people in my life and soaked in each moment in time more. I would have listened to and asked for more advice.  Funny thing, advice is what we ask for when we finally figure out we don’t know it all. 

For what it’s worth, my advice is... never give up on your dreams, don’t stop believing, have faith, and keep pressing forward.  Life goes on, with or without you.

Top 25 Rock 80’s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsCvCg2og0o&feature=related  

Pop 80’s Compilation

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56Fx9ksBr80&feature=&p=91B1017C505AE79C&index=0&playnext=1 

80’s Song List Used in Story

1. Edge of Seventeen – Stevie Nicks
2. Against the Wind.  – Bob Segar
3. Nothing but a Good Time -  Poison
4. Don’t Worry, Be Happy – Bobby McFerrin
5. Video Killed the Radio Star - Buggles
6. Livin’ on a Prayer – Bon Jovi
7. Hold on Loosely – 38 Special
8. Another Brick in the Wall – Pink Floyd
9. Every Little Step – Bobby Brown
10. Private Eyes – Hall & Oats
11. Start Me Up – Rolling Stones
12. It’s My life – Talk Talk
13. Celebration – Kool & the Game
14. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun – Cindi Lauper
15. Burning Down the House – Talking Heads
16. Go Insane – Lindsey Buckingham
17. Howling at the Moon - Ramones
18. Escape (The Pina Colada Song)–  Rupert Holmes
19. Pride (In the name of love) – U2
20. Goody Two Shoes – Adam Ant
21. Walk This Way - Aerosmith
22. Get Into the Groove - Madonna
23. Cruel Summer - Bananarama
24. Electric Blue – Ice House
25. Little Red Corvette - Prince
26. Here I go again - Whitesnake
27. Round and Round - Ratt
28. Footloose – Kenny Loggins
29. Another Thing Coming – Judas Priest
30. What’s Love Got to Do With It? – Tina Turner
31. Big Eyed Fish – Dave Mathews Band
32. Don’t get me wrong - Pretenders
33. If Looks Could Kill - Heart
34. Just What I Needed – The Cars
35. My Prerogative : Bobby Brown
36. Bust A Move – Young MC
37. Urgent. - Foreigner
38. Working for the Weekend - Loverboy
39. Wishing Well - Terence Trent D'Arby
40. Wheel in the Sky - Journey
41. Fantasy – Aldo Nova
42. Paradise City – Guns N’ Roses
43. No One Can Stop Me Now - SAGA
44. Rebel Yell – Billy Idol
45. I ran – A Flock of Seagulls
46. Don’t Look Back - Boston
47. Walking on Sunshine – Katrina and the Waves
48. So Alive – Love and Rockets
49. Break My Stride – Matthew Wilder
50. Crazy Train -  Ozzy Osbourne
51. Every Rose Has its Thorn – Poison
52. Photograph – Def Leppard
53. Careless Whisper – Wham!
54. I still haven’t found what I’m looking for – U2
55. One – Metallica
56. Million Miles Away - Plimsouls
57. Fade to Grey - Visage
58. All Night Long.- Lionel Richie
59. You Might Think  - The Cars
60. Never - Heart
61. Don’t Stop Believing – Journey
62. Faith – George Michael
63. With or Without You – U2

The Web - Blogo 9.9 Collateral Damage

Photo by DeAnna Metcalf

The Web

Midnight fires smolder

Bringing warmth to a winter chill

Resting comfortably beside the embers

Blissfully unaware

Deception lurks in the darkened sky

Hidden within cunning shadows

The tender strings of desire

Hang silent, waiting to ensnare

Rise to frolick around an entrancing fire

Freedom, a breath in the wind

Collateral damage of a simple choice

A jovial dance, halted in midair

The glowing blaze flickers

Illuminating a tranclucent cell 

Carnage revealed within the light

 Trapped -  a viscid, satin lair

Captive to a spider’s web

Wrapped tightly in a silken cocoon

The slow burn of venom seeps in

Evoked from a poisonous share

Paralyzed and unpardoned

Feeling life, slowly slither away

Irony speaks victual life to one

Yet offers another, baneful despair.

DeAnna Metcalf

Blogophilia Week 9.9 Topic: Collateral Damage

Bonus Points:

(Hard, 2 pts) Include the line “resting comfortably”

(Easy, 1 pt) Mention a spider web

The Legend of Belle - Blogo 8.9 Shadows of Light

The Legend of Belle

 Her silhouette dances in shadows of light

Flowing, fluttering, gliding beneath the moon

Delicate silver bells adorn her spectral threads

Composing a yearning, mystical tune

A prima donna within the moonlight

She owns the forest with her ambivalent charm

Dusting her saffron spell through her cast of trees

Mesmerized by her beauty, their spirits fawn

Her face masked within the darkness

Secrets shrouded within her arcane eyes

Known in legend as Belle, for there is no name

Only curious tales of her heartbreak and demise

They say she was once a beautiful soul

Joyous ballerina of beauty untold

Until the day her lover was taken away

By war, for a hand full of gold

She traded her last breath of agony

To dance with the moon in the night

Giving up the ghost of her lover

A broken heart, no longer her fight

DeAnna

Blogophilia Week 8.9 Topic: Shadows of Light

Bonus Points:

(Hard, 2 pts) Include an Aphrodisiac (Used Saffron)

(Easy, 1 pt) Include Silver Bells

We Said Goodbye in Denver

We Said Goodbye in Denver

Thinking back to a time, not so long ago

I picture your saddened face before me

Unspoken words dance their way around in my mind

Searching for an escape... longing to be set free

At this moment, a smile I force

Fighting off the burning tears which sting my eyes

I know you never made me any promises

I guess... I’m just no good at goodbyes

As your gentle fingers brush the hair back from my face

My hazel eyes gaze in silence…slowly you turn away

Feeling a part of my soul tear from deep within me

To follow you, on that cold and lonely January day

I watch as your image slowly fades into the crowd

Pulling up my collar against the brisk, cold Colorado wind

Sadness fills my empty heart

Wondering when, I’ll see you again

You and I, we’ve become so close it seems

Yet in separate countries, we live so far apart

Alienated from the world as one

Your spirit roams ever near, deep within my heart

Briefly closing my eyes to clear the blur

I look up at the sky so blue

Silently praying I will see you again

Praying the words you say are true

My heart whispers a sad farewell

I search once more, for your figure in the busy crowd

You’ve returned to your other life

Where our spoken names, are not allowed

I honestly wish you the very best

In your world so far away

Hoping that when you think of me

Pleasant thoughts will come your way

We said goodbye in Denver

Where for a moment we lived our worlds as one

The memories comfort me with your presence

Reminding me, even if you can’t be with me now,

                                

Never…

                                                

Am I alone.

DeAnna

January 1989

This poem was written many years ago for a gentleman I met in Denver a few years prior.  We met again in Denver (National Stockshow - because we were both involved with cattle). By this time, we had become close friends and although we wanted something together...he lived in Canada, me in Oklahoma. Back then, neither travel - nor communication, were as simple as they are today. 

We both married others, but have managed to keep a friendship alive all these years.  The last time I saw him (face to face) was just before I wrote this (27 years ago now), but he is truly one of my best friends, still to this day.  It's a beautiful story...even if sad in some way. We know we went where we needed and each have beautiful families of our own.  

It's a love story that never dies and it comes in the form of an amazing friendship I will cherish until the end. 

Rainstorm

Raging winds blow swift in the night

Tumultuous clouds of doubt stir a southern sky

Fear hides the quiet beauty of the moment

Behind the veil of a restless, worried sigh

How I wish you could walk with me

Feel the rain dancing upon our skin

Knowing that these clouds will pass

The sun returns to shine again.

Doors locked and boarded

Keeping yourself safe inside

I suppose it’s what you felt you needed

My heart grieves, the way you hide

Years of friendship to build upon

Yet you question a heart that’s true

It’s a shame you see it as such peril

Instead of the gift, love brings to you.

So the rains, they fall anyway

Offering merely water for your dry lawn

Serves to keep your facade alive longer

Maybe peace comes, when the rain moves on.